Tag Archives: Thesis

Still here

9 May

Yep, I’m still here but I’ve lacked the blogging spirit lately. I blame the pesky thesis, because after spending hours on that each day, I just don’t have anything to say on here. Sometimes I get an idea of what to blog while I’m at uni and I draft it on my notepad but when I finally get to go home the moment’s kind of passed and I don’t feel like saying anything anymore.

Don’t worry, I still plan on writing those posts because they are not bad but need more brain activity than I’m currently willing to devote to them.

Today’s a holiday where I live and I thank the heavens for it because I could use the extra hours of sleep. I keep having weird dreams again, some of them I could really do without but we’ve already been over this. I’m so happy when it’s the 31st of May already and I am done with all of it.

The problem is that my mind is already planning my after thesis time, like, I already have my Facebook update drafted in my mind that I’ll be putting up as soon as I hand in my work. And then there are my various vacations I am so looking forward to that get more real with every hostel reservation and train ticket I book. Summer, here I come…or…you know…in 3 weeks.

There’s also a self-imposed curfew I’ve got until the end of May; no going out after midnight because otherwise it takes me like 2 days to recover and I don’t have that kind of time right now. Wow, this turned into a whiny post way too fast, sorry. Just wanted to say I’m still here and haven’t forgotten about this blog, just that I’m out of words at the moment. Take this snipped of a song instead. Unfortunately the whole song was never released but I still like the little piece we got from it.

How are you? What have you been up to?


Writing is hard work

26 Apr

The title basically says it all; writing is hard work. It truly is which is also one of the bigger reasons why I will never become a decent writer despite how much I wish I would. Wishing doesn’t get you anywhere though, only effort and hard labour will do the trick and we all know that I am as lazy as a person can be.

Why am I telling you all this? I’m currently in full-blown thesis writing mode and it really shows me the shortcomings of my writing abilities. While academic writing does not equal creative writing my problems are the same. First and foremost is my limited vocabulary. I sound like a fourth-grader who ingested a thesaurus. I love to write the words just as they flow in my mind and that’s fine for this blog but doesn’t work for anything that’s going to be held to a higher standard. I know loanwords and am happy to use them as I hope it shows I’m not a complete moron while most of the words I put on paper sound so blah.

Another thing that’s really difficult for me is staring at a blank page, trying to come up with sentences. Nothing is worse than staring down a blank page while your mind decided it’s the perfect moment to go blank. I despise getting to the first draft stage, after that it gets much easier for me. Never mind that I spend most of today re-writing entire paragraphs because they weren’t any good. It’s still so much easier to just edit something after you put the general idea into words; reshaping and forming the sentences into something worthwhile.

Then there is the language problem that shouldn’t be a problem for me at all. I’m writing my thesis in German which should be fine, no big deal. But it is. I find myself multiple times a day having the perfect english phrasing on my mind and failing to find a proper translation that conveys exactly the same. This is completely messed up since German is my native language, it shouldn’t be an issue but it is. I guess that day about 5 years ago when I couldn’t for the life of me remember the German word for umbrella was a sign that it’s only going downhill from there.

I’m now about 24 pages into my thesis. It’s ok, it could be worse and the last three days were quite productive. What else this thesis-writing experiment is showing me is that I just have to sit it out. Keep in front of that damn PC and write. I take many breaks to go on Twitter, Tumblr, any newspaper site I care about or walk up three flights of stairs to the farthest ladies room to get my mind unstuck. Moving around helps me clear my head as does focussing on something mind-numbing for a little while. In the end I have to get back to the writing though to get that pesky first draft out there. It’s like breaking the ice when you meet someone new, the beginning is really difficult and afterwards it gets more comfortable and easy. Writing about a specific topic is like getting to know a stranger. The more you think about it, the more involved you two become until things fall into place because you suddenly realise what it’s all about.

I’m dreading the empty chapters that are yet awaiting me but I also feel like I’m finally going somewhere, moving forward, not solely in time but also in regards to where my life is supposed to head. A little over a month and I’ll be done with studying for good, I’ll be able to travel, spend my summer on and around my favourite theater stage and look for a job. I haven’t felt useless the last couple of days, it felt more like accomplishing something even if it’s as stupid as finally getting the bottom line of your thesis question. I also know where I want to work, or at least I think I do, which is a huge deal for me as I didn’t know this at the beginning of this year.

All in all, I feel good right now which makes me happy since I spend a lot of time complaining about my thesis. It’s just the way I handle things. I don’t know how but the complaining is a part of my work routine, always has been and probably always will be.

Blog Stuff

3 Mar

I’ve been making minor changes around Lazy Happy Bored Happy Sad over the last week or so. Took some stuff out of the sidebar, added a footer. Nothing major really. Just trying to improve my little corner of the interwebs I so dearly call home. I also changed my handle from Wilhelmina Upton to WillieSun because I have it on Twitter and Tumblr and thought Gravatar should match. Not sure if I’ll keep it this way.

Even though my blog’s anniversary is in August, I really started doing this in February 2012, so for a little bit over one year now. Creating a blog has been one of the best decisions I made in a long while. There are people I met through this medium I never would have gotten to know and my life would be emptier without them, their stories, support and friendship. Yes, friendship. I may not have met any of them (btw, I hope you know who you are ;-)) in person – yet – but that doesn’t matter much. Through reading this blog, they probably have a much better idea of who I am than many people I meet IRL.


Today I had this crazy idea of making a vlog. No, don’t worry/get your hopes up, I haven’t actually gone through with it. I just tested my webcam and SLR to get a sense of what it’s like and if I could do it and so on. I still need to do some homework on this topic but I really want to vlog. “Am I crazy?”, you might ask. I say: “Probably yes!” But so many have done it before so why not try my hand at it. I am a little bit creeped out by putting my face on Youtube but I’ll probably get over it. What do you think? Do you have advice for this vlogging novice?

What else? Um, not much I guess. It’s already Sunday evening here which means I’ll have to get up tomorrow morning and get back to uni and my thesis. Yay NOT! Whatever, my due date is May 31st, then I’ll be a free woman, well, after I made my presentation that is, but whatever. I can’t wait for it to be the end of May because of obvious reasons and theatre! I love my part in this years play which is a little bit like Once Upon a Time. It’s called: A Zeitgeist in Fairyland and I’m playing a good fairy. I’m actually only in two out of 10-ish scenes but still. This part is awesome and because our director wrote it himself, there is a lot of room for crazy things! So. Much. Fun!

I think this is enough randomness for one post. I really just wanted to get the vlogging idea out here and see what comes back. Probably not much but I’ll still do it, once I figure out how and what to say.

Happy and Exciting Feels

9 Nov

I could say I’m sorry to be double-posting today but I’m not sorry so forget I said anything and let’s move on.

Exciting times lie ahead for this little blogger as I will start to work on my thesis on Monday!! Finally I’ll be doing something useful again instead of procrastinating while avoiding most stuff. My thesis will be on wind turbines. I have to re-write a program in Matlab and find an optimal characteristic curve for the small turbine on top of our department building.

I’m equal parts scared and excited but in a really good way. I haven’t heard a lot of lectures on the subject and haven’t done any programming in years or done real math with integrals and derivations either. But I’m optimistic that I’ll get into the matter and be able to understand what I’m doing. After all I survived 2 years of AP physics and math so why shouldn’t it work out? Right?!!

And really? After watching American Horror Story Asylum lately, not much truly scares me unless you throw me into a 1960s mental institution against my will, try to turn me into a zombie and throw creepy aliens into the mix as well.

This thesis is not what I originally wanted to do. I wanted to get a topic in the human factors engineering department again but since I already wrote my student research project with them it’s better to diversify my expertise and write my thesis somewhere else. I believe this to be the right fit for me even though it will be a lot of work and hopefully I am indeed equipped to handle all of it. My adviser seems nice so that’s a plus. At the moment I think this is the right decision, I can only hope I feel the same way in a month.

My insights are filled with all kinds of happy feelings which is awesome. Tonight I’ll be seeing a friend again who I haven’t seen in months! And some others that I haven’t seen in an even longer time span but I’m just really excited for friend #1. The others are just a bonus.

What’s going on with you guys? TGIF? I know I am even though this week flew by way too quickly.

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