Tag Archives: Theater

Blog Stuff

3 Mar

I’ve been making minor changes around Lazy Happy Bored Happy Sad over the last week or so. Took some stuff out of the sidebar, added a footer. Nothing major really. Just trying to improve my little corner of the interwebs I so dearly call home. I also changed my handle from Wilhelmina Upton to WillieSun because I have it on Twitter and Tumblr and thought Gravatar should match. Not sure if I’ll keep it this way.

Even though my blog’s anniversary is in August, I really started doing this in February 2012, so for a little bit over one year now. Creating a blog has been one of the best decisions I made in a long while. There are people I met through this medium I never would have gotten to know and my life would be emptier without them, their stories, support and friendship. Yes, friendship. I may not have met any of them (btw, I hope you know who you are ;-)) in person – yet – but that doesn’t matter much. Through reading this blog, they probably have a much better idea of who I am than many people I meet IRL.

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Today I had this crazy idea of making a vlog. No, don’t worry/get your hopes up, I haven’t actually gone through with it. I just tested my webcam and SLR to get a sense of what it’s like and if I could do it and so on. I still need to do some homework on this topic but I really want to vlog. “Am I crazy?”, you might ask. I say: “Probably yes!” But so many have done it before so why not try my hand at it. I am a little bit creeped out by putting my face on Youtube but I’ll probably get over it. What do you think? Do you have advice for this vlogging novice?

What else? Um, not much I guess. It’s already Sunday evening here which means I’ll have to get up tomorrow morning and get back to uni and my thesis. Yay NOT! Whatever, my due date is May 31st, then I’ll be a free woman, well, after I made my presentation that is, but whatever. I can’t wait for it to be the end of May because of obvious reasons and theatre! I love my part in this years play which is a little bit like Once Upon a Time. It’s called: A Zeitgeist in Fairyland and I’m playing a good fairy. I’m actually only in two out of 10-ish scenes but still. This part is awesome and because our director wrote it himself, there is a lot of room for crazy things! So. Much. Fun!

I think this is enough randomness for one post. I really just wanted to get the vlogging idea out here and see what comes back. Probably not much but I’ll still do it, once I figure out how and what to say.

The Here and Now

25 Feb

I was always full of plans. Plans of what I wanted to do once I got to a certain age, or after graduating high school/university but then Mom got sick and there was no time for making plans anymore. Yes, I will blame cancer for it even if it wasn’t my own sickness but that of my Mom because along with her, I lost my plan-making abilities.

There is no study abroad program to look forward to, no feeling of freedom that comes along with finishing high school and starting my studies. I should be looking forward to graduating university  but for some reason I am not. I’m out of life-plans at the moment and it makes me uncomfortable. It’s scary even. I try to look into my future and I see nothing. Everything is blank and I’m left in the here and now having to figure out where I want to go without an idea how to do so.

Sometimes I get a sliver of hope, I see a little light as an idea of a plan brushes the outskirts of my mind and as I try to get closer to it, to put my finger on it, it vanishes never to be seen again. And I’m again none the wiser.

I have no real clue what to do with my degree, sure, it won’t be too difficult to find a job once I’m done with my studies but I feel like I have to make this HUGE decision and I don’t know how to. I’m pulled into too many directions at once.

I want to live abroad but I don’t want to leave my home, mostly because of the theatre. I can’t imagine not being some part of a play each year anymore.

I want a PhD because my uncle has one but I don’t know if that’s the only reason I want it, just to prove myself that he’s not the only smart one in the family. 

I want to work and make money but I can’t think of a career that doesn’t make me want to cry every day.

And yes, damn it, I want to write. I want to act, to sing. But I’m afraid of taking risks. Better do something more substantial and starve my creativity because then at least I know I’ll have something to eat and pay the bills with.

Maybe I’m asking too much when I think about having a job that fulfils me, maybe I’m wrong in my assessment that every job I can think of will be the death of my soul because my last internships were so awful. I feel like I learnt nothing at uni and that when I will apply for jobs, they will see that – know how stupid I am.

As a kid I wanted to be a detective and I’m sorry I didn’t apply for the police academy. I’m sorry for a lot of things I didn’t follow through with because I felt the need to let grown ups decide my future for me. How I got into studying Industrial Engineering? Because a friend of my Mom suggested that I’d be good at it. Not saying I don’t like it, some parts I really do, I just feel so ill-equipped to conquer the working world now that I’ve reached the end of this plan. I am most likely standing in my own way right now. I do that sometimes. I just don’t understand how to step aside and let me walk past myself.

So here I am. Again (because this is not the first post with this general theme). Instead of trying to settle my emotions and figuring out what I want to do next I’m cranking up the procrastination as high as possible in order to avoid dealing with anything. I went from the girl who lived in the future to the girl without a plan. Hello quarter-life crisis! Will you go away if I try to ignore you real hard?

Let me tell you, it doesn’t. I’ve been avoiding dealing with so many things for the past 12 months and nothing has sorted itself out. I watched a crazy amount of TV shows and read a lot – hiding out in fiction universes. I’ve changed my life completely and than not at all at the same time. ARGH, this is all not making a lot of sense and I came on here wanting to write about how I’m finally sick of winter and snow and then this mess happened. But really, I need more sunshine for my head to stop being all depressing and blergh.

 

A Thing about Recent Discoveries

5 Jul

Recently I found myself surrounded by some female buddies. I won’t call them friends because we only hang out during performances when there’s no one else to hang out with. One of them had a magazine and as in every summer issue, there was a big love horoscope thing in there. As they were going around reading what their horoscopes predicted for their love lives, they eventually ended up on me and so I had to read mine too.

It predicted something about falling in love with a guy before September and some more of that stuff. And as the girls and the old guy that was sitting with us were very happily talking about this subject it made me a bit uncomfortable because I don’t think I’ll be falling in love with a guy anytime soon since I’d much rather be with a girl but nobody in the theater knows that yet about me.

I don’t feel like going around telling everyone that I’m gay but at that moment I really wanted to blurt it out but of course I didn’t. Maybe I should have, I’m not sure. It’s all still very new so I tried being as evasive as possible whenever the topic of my summer guy love came up again on that afternoon but it left me wondering and amazed at the same time.

Perhaps I could have just changed guy to girl in my head and it would have been fine. But it wasn’t because it bothered me that the stupid magazine only thinks of straight people. This is probably just the beginning of me feeling misrepresented by main-stream media.

Aargh, I don’t know how to fully express these feelings I had.

I’ve been dangling my feet in the truth about my sexuality for months, dancing around the edges of it until everything I held back all those years finally rose to the surface. And I’m glad it did. It’s not that I have zero interest in men but only very little in comparison to women so I should probably call myself bisexual as I am not opposed to ever being with a man but I don’t like that word very much and also I swing more to the female side so I go by lesbian but I actually prefer to call myself gay. Does this make any sense at all?

This was actually the first time I realized the difference of being gay, it never bothered me before when I read something and only straight people were referenced. It never bothered me because I assumed I was one of them; until recently. But I’m not, perhaps I’ve never been only I was not aware of it.

Later that day, the guy who plays Captain Hook asked me if I had a boyfriend and I just told him I’m too boring for anyone to like me. What I wanted to say though is, that I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend but a girlfriend because I’m gay. But again, I didn’t.

It’s just so strange since I know there will be more and more times in my life in which I’ll feel misrepresented because people (and I include myself in this) see straight as the default orientation. You assume you’re straight and assume that the people you meet are straight and they are until they reveal themselves as not.

So far, I haven’t fully understood how to handle it with the majority of people I know. But I think that me wanting to tell some of them is a step into the right direction, or am I mistaken? It takes time to fully get my head around everything and I don’t want to rush things. I never do anything in haste so why should I do it with this? But I can’t stop thinking that I had a chance that day to come out further and that I let a good opportunity pass by.

For now, I’ll just stay in the nomansland of not being fully out but not being completely in the closet either.

A Swedish Reunion

3 Jul

Today was the day I finally got to see my swedish friend family again. They’re currently on a holiday tour through northern Germany and were so kind to stop by my town and watch me perform in Peter Pan. Thankfully the sun was shining warm all day and it was just a lovely day.

I actually got to see them before the play as it’s my duty to help the audience members to find their seats before the play starts. Since Björn acts himself and directs plays I was anxious if he would like it, but as fas as I could tell, he and Lotta enjoyed it very much.

There were no major mishaps today during the performance either. Most of them, the audience doesn’t even notice. Well, we had to rush the girl who plays little Jane into wardrobe and make-up because the girl who was scheduled to play the role today was not there and nobody noticed until well before the play starts. This is kinda bad because Jane and the old version of Wendy are the first to go on stage. But only we actors knew that and little Jane was ready immediately and rushed out on stage. Then young Wendy missed her first entrance and the others on stage had to improvise a bit. Maybe some people noticed this but they didn’t know anything for sure :D

I love this about theater, it’s the beauty of live performances, nothing goes perfectly there is always something happening behind the scenes that the audience isn’t even aware of most of the time. I love that. No two performances are alike, because the cast varies so it’s always different people acting together. Sometimes one of them misses a cue or forgets his lines or some of the equipment doesn’t work properly. Still I’m amazed that I’m never really nervous. I just enjoy every minute of it. Especially this year cause I like my part a lot.

Ok, maybe I wandered a bit off topic here again so I’ll try and get back to what this is actually about. After the play I showed Lotta and Björn around the stage and everything. And then we went out to dinner with my mom. I had picked a nice restaurant with the best view over my city and as the weather was so nice we could sit outside and enjoy it even more.

We spent a great evening eating and chatting in a mish-mash of German, Swedish and English. Sadly my Swedish is really bad mostly because I never use it. Thankfully their German was pretty good.

Have I mentioned how much I LOVED today? No? Well, I did!!! I kinda wish we had more time together as the two of them are so nice but they’re leaving tomorrow morning for another german town to visit and slowly make their way back to Sweden.

Unfortunately I can’t show you any pictures of this lovely reunion as Lotta took some pictures with her camera but I won’t get them until they’re back in Sweden. Instead I’ll leave you with this lovely version of  ‘Come Again’ by John Dowland performed by Sting.

A little bit of everything

20 Jun

There’s not much happening right now except that I am tired even though it’s only 4pm. I blame the weather because it’s been raining for a while now and the grey in grey mix of not really bright days is getting a little bit to me. Hopefully tomorrow will be better because I have two performances and it really sucks when you have to play in the rain. The forecast says it will be dry but I’ve been burnt before, I don’t trust the forecasts blindly. One never should!

Other than that, it’s only 13 days until I will see my friend family from Sweden again. They are doing this amazing thing of visiting me only to see me act in Peter Pan! Can you believe it? – Me neither! I mean, they’re coming from Sweden!! This is crazy but so lovely and I admire them for it. It’s been over two years since I saw them last but they were so sweet to me while I was in Växjö. He is a trained opera singer who teaches at Malmö University now and she is a teacher for adults. During my stay in their hometown they took me to theater rehearsals which he was directing, I got to tag along when she went to junta with her friends and I was treated to lovely dinners and fikas!

In front of Lantcafé in Öhr. A lovely place for a fika on a sunday.

If you have no clue what a fika is, let me try to enlighten you. A fika is the best thing coming out of Sweden after IKEA and Astrid Lindgren! Not kidding. There is not a simple translation, like in one word, for it. A fika is a get-together with friends, you have coffee or tea, something simple to eat or so. It’s a meeting with friends and some food. I don’t know how to better explain it, but it’s cool, maybe just because I like the word so much. You see, it can be used as a noun and verb (amazing right?)! Oh, and it’s just so swedish :D Maybe you want a better explanation, click here.

In the same instance my mom is driving me nuts in the last couple of days. She is weaker than ever, well not ever but she hasn’t been this bad in a while. She forgets a lot of stuff, can’t keep her few appointments in order and so on. Simultaneously she tries to tell me how I have to do certain things and I’m sorry, but I refuse to be told what to do by someone who is unable to remember taking her meds three times a day. I have to keep not only my affairs in order but hers too and that is a big ugly mess.

Everything is so complicated with her, I prefer to let things come and then I’ll deal with what is right in front of me rather than going bananas way before anything even happens. You don’t have to complicate simple things, it’s ok to let them be the way they are. Clean and simple.

We don’t talk much anymore, the thing is, I don’t have much to say to her aside from asking her what she wants to eat, when her next appointment is and if she has taken her meds. I don’t want to talk about what shit they’re selling on QVC and I have no private stuff to share with her because it always comes back to haunt me (aside from there is nothing happening in my life anyways), because again she makes everything bigger than it needs to be. It’s sometimes like we don’t even speak the same language anymore. I don’t know. All I can think about is, that I want to move out and away as soon as possible but that I have no clue how to do that because it means leaving her alone and she cannot take care of herself at the moment.

Damn it, still too early to go to sleep. What do I do now? Oh, right, watch the pilot of Heroes, because, my will is weak and I’m too lazy/tired to read.

Answering Requests

29 May

There’s something very satisfying about starting your day with performing a play in front of 800 school and kindergarten kids. This morning was our theater’s first performance and it went down pretty smoothly, which is always a good thing.

Last week I promised Miss Addie to upload a photo of me which I didn’t do along with the other pics from theater. So this is for you Addie :-)

And another one from the last dress rehearsal on saturday because I liked how my make-up was done (unlike today when I looked all but that pretty). I admit it’s not the best and I could have put more effort into trying to smile but I didn’t.

Then I also promised Addie to throw in and additional pic from last year’s Wizard of Oz in which I was an evil witch. I spent more time getting my hair and make-up done than on stage but whatever.

I feel so pretty :D

Ok, and now I only have to bore you with one more photo. This one’s for Tom Baker, he demanded a pic of the cherry-tartes I made for the picnic yesterday. As I told you, Tom, they didn’t look so good :-)

And now I’m done for today. Bye for now.

The Little Actress in Me

20 May

Some of you may already know that there’s this little actress inside of me that gets out every summer while I perform with a bunch of other actors on our beautiful open-air stage. I’ve been enchanted ever since I laid eyes on that stage five years ago.

This year we perform Peter Pan, the story about a boy who never wants to grow up. He lives in Neverland, a magical island with fairies, pirates and indians. I’ll just let the following pictures I took yesterday during the third dress rehearsal speak for themselves.

Wendy, Peter Pan and Tinkerbell at the Darling’s home

Tiger Lilly and her fellow indians about to steal the pirates food

The hollow tree, home to the lost boys.

The Girls entertaining Captain Hook. (My role is the blonde girl but since I was taking pictures, this is not me :D)

Poor Peter Pan, it looks like he is loosing to Hook.

Thank god the little bear survived! Thanks to a great medicine woman :-)

Partings…

 

I could upload 200 pictures more but nobody wants to see all of them and there wouldn’t be enough space on my wordpress account either so these are the ones I selected to put on here. I’m not totally happy with the quality of the pictures even though they seemed fine while I was taking them.

Tuesday in a week will be the first performance and I’m looking forward to it. Hope you enjoyed this little trip to Neverland. See ya!

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