Tag Archives: Questions

something that is mine

30 Aug

I’m currently in a stupid situation where the job I really, really, REALLY want is dangling right in front of my nose but I haven’t heard back yet even though it’s the end of the month now and the decision was supposed to be made around this time. I am just going to assume it means I didn’t get it. However, it would have been nice to be put out of my misery by now so I can move on because right now there is still this slight little possibility nagging in the back of my mind that I could get it. Ugh, make it stop. This is not the actual topic for today’s post though, here it comes.

I’ve been thinking about moving my blog from wordpress.com to  wordpress.org for most of 2013. While I enjoy the hosted version very much I don’t use it as such. I already have more subscriptions to other blogs than I can read on a regular basis, I long-since stopped checking out the Featured Blogger site and barely scroll through the tags pages to find new blogs. Don’t get me wrong, I have met a great bunch of bloggers that way but I haven’t felt the need to find new ones which is probably a reason why I don’t get a lot of hits. Another thing is that even though I almost have 200 followers, only a minimal number of them visit or comment on here. Lots of bloggers I connected with have stopped blogging or are on indefinite hiatus which of course makes me sad but is something I can relate to. In the beginning I only followed people whose blogs were on wordpress.com because it was easier, keeping in touch with them, the whole comment system and everything. Over time, I started following all different kinds of blogs, some on Blogger, some self-hosted which has made me feel like a caged animal wanting to break out.

This blog is my little part of the internet that is me and for unbeknownst reasons I’d like to make it even more of mine, I want to lose the .wordpress.com part of my URL for one thing. Also, I don’t like my URL too much because it’s looong. All my other handles on social media sites are much shorter and I like the idea of having them all match so I want this one to be in the WillieSun-club as well.

The problem is that I have no idea where this blog is going, I make it up as I go along (as if you couldn’t tell that already). It feels though as if I got everything out if this site that I possibly could. I want to expand my knowledge, have more influence on the design of my blog and such. I want more possibilities!

Until now I haven’t made a definite decision but it’s probably coming. When I have a steady income, I’ll move onto wordpress.org. And see, this brings me back to the beginning of this post, isn’t it nice how it all fits together? If I had a steady income now, I’d probably think about this step less and actually do it but it feels irresponsible at the moment. I just want something that is mine…

Bookish Q&A

15 Aug

I saw this meme on two of my friends blogs, Charleen and Kirsti while I thought of my poor and neglected Book section so I decided this needed to be on my blog as well. Enjoy and feel free to copy this meme if you like as I’m not going to tag anyone in this.

Rules

  1. Post these rules
  2. Post a photo of your favorite book cover
  3. Answer the questions below
  4. Tag a few people to answer them too
  5. Go to their blog/twitter and tell them you’ve tagged them
  6. Make sure you tell the person who tagged you that you’ve taken part!

Favourite book cover?

This one is easy:

Isn't the cover beautiful?

What are you reading right now?

I’m a bit stuck with ‘The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes’ by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and I’m also reading ‘Whitethorn Woods’ by Maeve Binchy which I enjoy a lot but have not finished yet because I fell into my usual summer reading hiatus. Not sure why this keeps happening but apparently it’s a thing for me.

Do you have any idea what you’ll read when you’re done with that?

I have the first book of the Game of Thrones series on lend from a friend. Maybe I will give that one a shot or finish my attempt to make it through the entire Sherlock Holmes canon.

What five books have you always wanted to read but haven’t gotten round to?

  1. ‘My Life’ by Bill Clinton
  2. ‘Living History’ by Hillary Rodham Clinton
  3. ‘War and Peace’ by Leo Tolstoy
  4. ‘Gone With the Wind’ by Margaret Mitchell
  5. ‘The Catcher in the Rye’ by J.D. Salinger

What magazines do you have in your bathroom/lounge right now?

None, I feel pressure with magazines because there is a lot to read and depending on the number of issues per month I feel like I’m cheating on my books. So no magazines for me. There’s a book about mathematical anecdotes in my bathroom though.

What’s the worst book you’ve ever read?

Easy, this one. Also, Twilight was not great either.

What book seemed really popular but you didn’t like it?

Damn, I mentioned Twilight too early, didn’t I?

What’s the one book you always recommend to just about anyone?

See above for best cover, Lauren Groff – The Monsters of Templeton. Amazing prose and storyline.

What are your three favourite poems?

The Panther by Rainer Maria Rilke. I mostly love it for its sound and it loses a lot through the translation into English. Sonnet XLIII by Edna St. Vincent Millay. The last three lines always get me. They always do. And the third one is Song by Allen Ginsberg.

Where do you usually get your books?

I like to actually purchase books. Unfortunately due to my location I end up ordering a lot of them from Amazon because German bookstores only have a very limited choice of English books and I prefer to read books in their original language as far as I am able to.

When you were little, did you have any particular reading habits?

Umm, not that I’m aware of. I remember reading mostly mystery and adventure books instead of girlie books though.

What’s the last thing you stayed up half the night reading because it was too good to put down?

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Very captivating and pulling at your heart strings.

Have you ever “faked” reading a book?

I don’t know what that means ;)

Have you ever bought a book just because you liked the cover?

Not exactly, I definitely decided to give a book a closer loo because of its cover and then decided to buy it because it sounded good so yes-ish?!

What was your favourite book when you were a child?

The Miss Marple series by Agatha Christie.

What book changed your life?

Tough one. I don’t know if there is a book that changed my life per se.

What is your favourite passage from a book?

I answered this in a recent VEDA video:

Who are your top five favourite authors?

Jane Austen, JK Rowling, Kerry Reichs, Lauren Groff and John Green.

What book has no one heard about but should read?

Delicate Edible Birds by Lauren Groff. It’s a collection of short stories and even though I am usually not very into them but this collection was something else. Go check it out!

What book are you an “evangelist” for?

I don’t know! I haven’t read a book that I liked but had to defend myself for liking it if this is what you’re asking.

What are your favourite books by a first time author?

I am not very up to date with the new trends so my first time authors are not first timers anymore.

What is your favourite classic book?

Pride and Prejudice and Jane Eyre I would have to say.

Five other notable mentions?

Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
Every Jane Austen novel ever
The Bertie Wooster series by P.G. Wodehouse
Leaving Unknown – Kerry Reichs

Deserving

10 Jul

Again I apologise for my long absence. I’ve been busy with acting, finishing school, traveling and avoiding adulthood. I’ll try to get back into posting more regularly though. I swear.

_____

My university did not have a lot of partnerships with english speaking universities and my one and only choice was to go to Sweden but the placements there were few with many applicants. However I was one of the chosen ones and got to go to my dream university. From there on out my love affair with Sweden began.

Why am I telling you this? Because I just got back from my holiday in Sweden and it was marvellous; I wish I didn’t have to leave. I got to spend time again with my Swedish Friend Family. That’s a program my host university in Sweden was offering, you write a little bit about yourself and the nice lady in the office tries to match you with a willing family to experience some life outside of campus and university. I don’t remember what I wrote but as my biggest hobby is doing theatre I definitely put that down in my text. And what do you know? I got matched with this brilliant family that is into music and theatre themselves. I had a splendid time when I hung out with them and now it’s three years later and we are still in contact.

Sometimes I wonder though, how did I get so lucky? I mean, I always wonder that when something extraordinarily good happens in my life like the things I mentioned above. Where did I go right, why do I deserve this? Or do I actually deserve this? I am not special, fairly mediocre to be honest and I live too much online but somehow I have these people in my life that I can only be grateful for. My life has not always been peanut-butter and fluff but it wasn’t bad at all either. Through some random happenings though I was blessed with lovely friends and great people. I have no idea how that works and why things work in my favour like this. Don’t get me wrong, it makes me eternally happy but how?

HOW?

Tell me what I did right in my 25 years so far so I can continue doing it. I don’t really believe in karma; do good things so they will come back to you. I’m trying to be a decent human being but that surely cannot be enough, can it? I make my fair share of stupid mistakes and wrong choices but here I am, having great things happening to me. This whole thought-process is probably very weird but it was on my mind so here ya go. If any of my dear readers has any wisdom on the subject to offer, I’d appreciate it.

____

(And now that I put this out here I will probably have a horrible time finding a decent job but okay)

Hiatus

7 Jun

Do you ever stop blogging for a certain reason and then it takes you forever to pick the habit back up? You say: One more day, which turns into a week and whatnot. Yeah that’s me *waves* I’ll have to ease back into this, I guess.

I survived the epic horror that was writing my thesis for the last couple of weeks and I handed it in last Friday, yay!! I am just so happy that it’s over, I cannot tell you. Now, I have free time again to watch TV and blog and read and do all the stuff I like to do. Yeah, I know, looking for a job should be a priority right now, but I don’t know what I want, except that I want a little bit more time to procrastinate. It’s silly and stupid and of course my Uncle couldn’t refrain himself from asking me what’s next when he and his family visited last weekend.

His inquiring made me mad. Irrationally so but still mad. He had a job after he got his PhD and that is all fine and good but I am not him. I take time to make phone calls because I dislike talking to strangers on the phone. And I happen to not have a clue what kind of job my university education should gain me. I don’t feel at home in the business part of a company but I feel like I don’t know enough about engineering either. And there is nothing I desperately want to be.

However my slackerdom also makes me question my motives. Is there maybe a part in me that I inherited from my do-no-good father? I am afraid of just that because I really don’t need any of his traits in me. And it really only has been one week since I handed in my thesis. That’s not too bad, I guess. I had to catch up on lots of sleep and I am doing some traveling as well now that I am done. Next week, yeah next week sounds like a good one to start thinking about my future.

Tonight I meet with my Mom’s bestfriend from the age they were 5 or 6 and she’s also my godmother. We haven’t seen each other in over a year and not talked much either, especially since Mom died. I’m already anticipating ALL THE QUESTION. And I don’t have answers. Not having answers makes me feel like an idiot. So here I am stuck between idiocy and procrastination. I promise the next posts will be better. This is just me trying to overcome my hiatus.

False Feminism?!

24 Mar

The other day, as I was on my way to uni, my local radio station was broadcasting a report about the previous night’s events during which girls between 16 and 20 years of age were awarded prizes for their social dedication, listing their accomplishments. The purpose of the whole ceremony was to shed light on their achievements and make girls and young women more aware of what they can accomplish. Yada, yada, yada! I couldn’t help but make a disapproving face even though I knew no-one was there to see it.

To me, things like this always seemed faulty, I mean, they’re supposed to specially praise female accomplishments but in reality, does this not widen the gender gap even more?  We give prizes and awards to persons because of their gender not their overall achievements. Don’t we have it backwards there?

When I was in school, girls were encouraged to join Girls Day in order to learn more about male dominated jobs and career choices but I never went. Growing up around two strong examples of the female race (shout out to my amazing Mom and Gran) never let me question my ability to become anything I wanted to which is a great thing as the language of variables, numbers, natural constants and equal signs comes more naturally to me than any language I speak. And I also believe in the explaining powers of diagrams and formulas being more descriptive than words could ever be. I’ve had my own personal Girls Day every day when I cared to watch them handle their lives. You could argue though, that not every girl has these figures growing up and you’re right. It’s sad and I wish every girl had a strong role model to look up to while growing up.

Does it justify though, that we create ceremonies to pat ourselves on the back because what we do is huge for us because we’re women? Does little Lucy care about a stranger enough to look up to her accomplishments and model herself after that?

Nowadays there are also Boys Days so they can learn about mostly female dominated career choices and that makes it less icky for me. As long as we’re all treated equal I have no problem with this, or less of a problem.

I just feel that every time a woman is awarded something because she is a woman it makes me cringe with discomfort. This whole thing is messy and most likely very specific to me but I don’t want recognition of my work because of my gender but because what I did matters and is executed without fault. This is also why I distaste the idea of a woman quota in order to get more women to become executives and managers. Again, I don’t want to get a job because the company has to hire a woman to fulfil their quota requirements; I want it because I’m the best choice for it.

Maybe I’m lucky that way. I’ve never questioned whether I could do something or not because I was a woman. I didn’t feel out of place while I sat in classrooms surrounded by men. Sure, I still live in the academia bubble and the media constantly tells me that women are paid less than men for the same jobs; or that there aren’t enough female executives, professors, engineers and so on. But so far it’s usually been more of a blessing than a curse to spend my days around men. They speak my language without being backstabbing bitches. (This is completely over-examplifying, I know not every female co-worker talks bad behind your back and men are not immune to that either but it’s been my experience so far).

At uni, my gender only matters as I have the choice to go down the stairs on my way to or from the loo. The thing is, the engineering building is the oldest part of my university and it was always a male domain. This means of course, there is only a ladies room on every second floor as opposed to a men’s room on every floor and the office I work on my thesis in, is on a floor without such facilities. This wouldn’t even happen in Sweden as there are single bathrooms men and women can both use.

That’s essentially what I wish and hope the world is/will be like; gender doesn’t matter; race doesn’t matter; sexual orientation doesn’t matter; and disability doesn’t matter. Is this really too much to ask for? I can’t help but think of Virginia Woolf who thought that a writer performed best with an androgynous mind. Maybe all of humanity could benefit from androgynous minds.

'A Room Of One's Own' underlined by Past!Me

‘A Room Of One’s Own’ underlined by Past!Me

All this pitting of sex against sex, of quality against quality; all this claiming of superiority and imputing inferiority, belong to the private school stage of human existence where there are ‘sides’, and it is necessary for one side to beat another side, and of the utmost importance to walk up to a platform and receive from the Headmaster himself a highly ornamented pot. As people mature they cease to believe in sides or in Headmasters or in highly ornamented pots.

Virginia Woolf

The Here and Now

25 Feb

I was always full of plans. Plans of what I wanted to do once I got to a certain age, or after graduating high school/university but then Mom got sick and there was no time for making plans anymore. Yes, I will blame cancer for it even if it wasn’t my own sickness but that of my Mom because along with her, I lost my plan-making abilities.

There is no study abroad program to look forward to, no feeling of freedom that comes along with finishing high school and starting my studies. I should be looking forward to graduating university  but for some reason I am not. I’m out of life-plans at the moment and it makes me uncomfortable. It’s scary even. I try to look into my future and I see nothing. Everything is blank and I’m left in the here and now having to figure out where I want to go without an idea how to do so.

Sometimes I get a sliver of hope, I see a little light as an idea of a plan brushes the outskirts of my mind and as I try to get closer to it, to put my finger on it, it vanishes never to be seen again. And I’m again none the wiser.

I have no real clue what to do with my degree, sure, it won’t be too difficult to find a job once I’m done with my studies but I feel like I have to make this HUGE decision and I don’t know how to. I’m pulled into too many directions at once.

I want to live abroad but I don’t want to leave my home, mostly because of the theatre. I can’t imagine not being some part of a play each year anymore.

I want a PhD because my uncle has one but I don’t know if that’s the only reason I want it, just to prove myself that he’s not the only smart one in the family. 

I want to work and make money but I can’t think of a career that doesn’t make me want to cry every day.

And yes, damn it, I want to write. I want to act, to sing. But I’m afraid of taking risks. Better do something more substantial and starve my creativity because then at least I know I’ll have something to eat and pay the bills with.

Maybe I’m asking too much when I think about having a job that fulfils me, maybe I’m wrong in my assessment that every job I can think of will be the death of my soul because my last internships were so awful. I feel like I learnt nothing at uni and that when I will apply for jobs, they will see that – know how stupid I am.

As a kid I wanted to be a detective and I’m sorry I didn’t apply for the police academy. I’m sorry for a lot of things I didn’t follow through with because I felt the need to let grown ups decide my future for me. How I got into studying Industrial Engineering? Because a friend of my Mom suggested that I’d be good at it. Not saying I don’t like it, some parts I really do, I just feel so ill-equipped to conquer the working world now that I’ve reached the end of this plan. I am most likely standing in my own way right now. I do that sometimes. I just don’t understand how to step aside and let me walk past myself.

So here I am. Again (because this is not the first post with this general theme). Instead of trying to settle my emotions and figuring out what I want to do next I’m cranking up the procrastination as high as possible in order to avoid dealing with anything. I went from the girl who lived in the future to the girl without a plan. Hello quarter-life crisis! Will you go away if I try to ignore you real hard?

Let me tell you, it doesn’t. I’ve been avoiding dealing with so many things for the past 12 months and nothing has sorted itself out. I watched a crazy amount of TV shows and read a lot – hiding out in fiction universes. I’ve changed my life completely and than not at all at the same time. ARGH, this is all not making a lot of sense and I came on here wanting to write about how I’m finally sick of winter and snow and then this mess happened. But really, I need more sunshine for my head to stop being all depressing and blergh.

 

Liebster Blog Award

15 Dec

Here comes award post number two. Jacqui gave me the Liebster Blog Award which is very cool because unlike a lot of other bloggers, this one speaks my language :)) ‘Liebster’ is a term of endearment in German, for those of you that didn’t know yet.

liebsterblogaward

Rules.
-When you receive the award, thank the person who gave it to you, and include their link in your blog.
– Post 11 things about yourself.
– Answer the 11 questions of the person who nominated you.
– Choose up to 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers.
– Create 11 questions for your nominees!
– Inform the nominees of their nomination.

11 things about me:

1. I don’t drink coffee, I don’t foresee it ever becoming my beverage of choice.
2. Play the Macarena in my presence and I will start to dance along to it, same goes for the Rigga-Ding-Dong-Song.
3. Buying underwear is really awkward.
4. I rather shower than take a bath
5. I once dreamed of becoming a writer but that goal has reached its expiration date a while ago.
6. I like wearing glasses. My face feels empty without them.
7. My .gif-collection is getting bigger by the day.
8. I spend waaaaay too much time on the internet.
9. I’ve never visited London even though it’s not far away.
10. I can juggle.
11. When I’m bored I tend to fold ships and airplanes out of paper.

Exhibit A

Exhibit A

11 Questions from Jacqui:

1. Why did you start blogging?

Because I read about a character in a book that was blogging and wanted to try it for myself.

2. What do you do in your spare time?

Watch all my shows, surf the web, read, hang out with family and friends or go to some rehearsal.

3. Your stangest dream?

That I lived across the street from a serial killer called ‘The Butcher’ but I was also living in the same building as him (my subconscious doesn’t do consistency) and saw how he murdered someone. I think that counts as my strangest dream.

4. Is there somewhere you’d rather be right now?

Nope, not right now. 

5. What’s the first thing you think of in the morning?

How I wish I could go back to sleep.

6. Who did you talk to last?

My granny :)

7. How did you decide to start blogging?

Umm, see question #1?!

8. Favourite holiday?

Christmas. Cause I get to spend it with family and there are presents.

9. Favourite place away from home?

Close to an ocean or a big lake. Also, Växjö in Sweden.

10. What is your most prized possession?

My 50l trekking back-pack. I can’t wait to travel again.

11. What’s on the top of your Christmas Wishlist.

I don’t really do wish lists. The only material thing I wanted was a Blu-Ray player which I got for my birthday and christmas together already. Other than that, I only have wishes money cannot buy. 

My 11 questions:

1. How will you celebrate Christmas, if you celebrate that is?
2. What is your favourite dish?
3. Have you ever made a snow angel?
4. Can you juggle? Have you ever tried it?
5. If you could swap your blog with another one for a day, whose would it be and why?
6. Are you a procrastinator? Probably, since you’re a blogger…so what is your favourite way to procrastinate?
7. What is your favourite season?
8. What do you think is the best thing about yourself?
9. If you could pack your bags right now, where would you like to travel to?
10. What do you wish 2013 to be like?
11. Are you as happy that these 11 questions are over as I am? Because it is hard to come up with decent questions, at least for me.

And finally, the nominees:

Betwixt an Between (I know you already got this one, but you’re still one of my favourites)

thoughtsonmybookshelf (Why do all my favourites already have this Award?)

Howtodateboys

FrankfurtMalin

The Little Butch That Could

HoneyImaLesbian

MarioShutUp

SweeneySays

I think that’s it. If you already got this one and I nominated you again, well, I’m sorry but I’m not sorry because I love your blogs. Also, I feel like I’m always naming the same blogs, I guess I am a person of habit.

___________

I was fortunate enough to get this award again from The Little Butch That Could so I’m just going to add her questions on this old post.

1. What is your favorite smell?

– Probably freshly baked cake or cookies. 

2. Who is the most influential person of your life?

– My lovely Grandma, who today forced me to eat ice cream. Se loves me way too much and I can only hope I’ll live up to her expectations. 

3. If you could invite 3 living people to dinner, who would they be and why?

– Sasha Alexander because she is damn pretty and also funny. A.L. cause she is my oldest fan. And Tina Fey, she is hilarious and I love what she does. 

4. What’s your favorite childhood memory?

– Playing games with my Granny.

5. What was your first paying job and what did you learn from it?

– The first job I was paid for was sorting paperwork and doing basic office stuff at my Mom’s company. Well, it was not her own company but she worked there. Not sure if I learned anything specific from it. 

6. If you are familiar with public transportation and you are lucky enough to hop on an almost empty bus, where do you sit and why?

– I’d sit in the middle, close to the middle door, most likely bow side. I don’t like sitting in the back but I choose the position that gets me as far away from people I don’t know as possible. 

7. Cat person, dog person or neither one and why?

– Dog person all the way. I don’t get what is so great about cats. Seriously! I don’t. 

8. (Borrowed from James Lipton of “Inside the Actor’s Studio”) If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

– I hope this settles your questions, I do exist ;-) But I don’t mind you just didn’t trust the Bible blindly. I actually like that about you, not following for following’s sake. I hope this place lives up to your expectations though. And yo, I don’t have anything against gays!

9. What word or phrase do you use too often?

– This changes a lot. At the moment I feel that I overuse ‘however’.

10. What is the title of the last book you read?

– Currently I’m reading “Whispers Underground” and I’m almost finished. 

11. What is your favorite dessert?

– I’m a dessert person, it’s the best thing about every meal. I like cake and ice cream and basically you can serve me a lot of different desserts, I won’t complain. I can’t name ONE, but cheesecake is on top of the list. 

%d bloggers like this: