Where Can I Reset My Dream RAM?

15 Mar

I’m used to dreaming a lot of rubbish and watching Doctor Who is not always helping my dreams being more realistic these days. For instance, I recently dreamed I was the Tenth Doctor and dressed as a waiter on some weird space-ship. I don’t remember what else was happening because after I got back to sleep my memory started to fade away and the next time I woke up again I had the Alanis Morissette song I listened to the night before stuck in my head.

It’s also not new to have one dream element recurring over and over again; it usually happens before exam periods where I cannot move fast enough while I’m chased by murderers. Lately though, there is one recurring element I could do much without and I don’t exactly know why it’s there or when it will leave again. I’m dreaming of my dead Mom only that she is not dead anymore. SAY WHUT??

Yep, she is alive but not in the good before-cancer way, more like cancer-free but still as helpless as with cancer. In those dreams I know she is dead and then she comes back and I again have to take care of her. It’s not scary in a “OMG my dead mother is still alive” kind of way but more of an annoying “OMG again with the taking care thing?”. I don’t wake up screaming because for a moment I thought her death was all a dream, no. My subconscious is always aware of her death. I’m actually glad to wake up because I know it was only a dream, that I won’t have to relive my worst days.

I don’t know a lot about dreams, I never had psychology classes or stuff like that. Nevertheless I believe to have a good grip on myself except for that one time but this, I don’t get just yet. Maybe it will leave me again soon but as I don’t understand where it came from, I will not know how to get rid of it. Stress dreams disappear once the source of the stress is gone but with this? I can only wonder if it has to do with my anger loosening even though that hardly makes sense to me.

As I write this I see multi-coloured particle clouds rising to the sky as a visualisation of feelings moving on. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense at all. I probably watched way too much Doctor Who in addition to not even being able to adequately describe what I see. Maybe my memory is regenerating?! Ok, I’m just gonna stop here hoping that putting thoughts to paper will get rid of them. It usually does. If not, I’ll be stuck with these weird dreams for a while longer as much as I could do without them.

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9 Responses to “Where Can I Reset My Dream RAM?”

  1. tryingtosurviveonemomentatatime March 18, 2013 at 20:03 #

    I think you dream about it over and over again because you DON’T want to ever have to go through that horrific time again. Subconsciously you are afraid that it will happen again, even if you logically know it’s not. It’s fear. And loss. (This is me guessing of course.) I know I don’t ever want to go through any of that again. Every time I hear of someone new that has been diagnosed with GBM (heard of someone new this morning) all I can think of is how much it is going to suck for them. The person I heard of today was told they have 3 months. In reality that is really only like 1 month because for the last 2 they will be incapacitated and not know who you are…… oh gosh, that was a tangent. Sorry.

    I hate cancer. I hate brain cancer. You would think at least you could have a break from it when you are sleeping. (That is the main reason I take an Xanax and an Ambien before I go to bed. No nightmares.)

    So sorry you are in this predicament. Wishing you happier sleep. Watch the show Duck Dynasty before you go to bed. This has been my most favorite show since my dad died (besides Downton Abbey and Once Upon a Time). It is so mind numbing and funny I don’t think about the horrible 9 days (that is what I am going to call them now) and the 10 months before it.

    • WillieSun March 19, 2013 at 12:59 #

      It really is the fear of it not being over yet, I wasn’t able to label it but you were. Great!

      I really hate cancer too. My predicament, as you called it, is not bad enough to take pills. I mean, I always dream stupid things and it doesn’t really matter what I watch. I dreamed of death and destruction after reading a romance novel once so there you go.

  2. viveka March 16, 2013 at 18:05 #

    My personal RAM is far too small those days *smile … Dr Who has never been anything I watched. I know that UK is mad about him.
    As a child I could recall the same dream time after time … and all I needed was think about it real hard before I felt to sleep … and the same dream came back. I have never tried as an adult. So I think it has to do with your thoughts before you go to sleep … but don’t take my word for it, not expert.

    • WillieSun March 17, 2013 at 22:10 #

      Nah, that almost never works for me, believe me I tried thinking about what I wanted to dream but it doesn’t happen. The other day I dreamed someone was giving birth through their arm. How I come up with that is beyond me.

      Yes, I guess the UK is mad with it but so are many many other people. And I understand it, it’s fantastic in a lovely screwed up way *g*

      • viveka March 18, 2013 at 11:02 #

        Dreams I don’t think we should try to understand .. can’t remember a dream for age, but they say we all dream every night.
        It’s must be something that is laying deep inside you, that klicks is when you are relaxed.
        Maybe you should talk to somebody about it, because you need your sleep and to wake up and full of strange feelings is not a good day’s start.

        • WillieSun March 18, 2013 at 11:06 #

          It could be so much worse. And I like dreaming, even if it’s just to see what random crap my mid comes up with next :-)

          • viveka March 18, 2013 at 11:34 #

            I thought you had a problem with your dreams and they made you uncertain, great! Keep on dreaming, girl.

          • WillieSun March 18, 2013 at 11:35 #

            A mild annoyance at its worst. I’m mostly fine with them.

          • viveka March 18, 2013 at 11:39 #

            Great news! But to talk to somebody doesn’t hurt .. I didn’t believe it that until after I gone through my treatments – total changed my view on physc.

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